Example Paper Comments – Synthesis Paper (APA format)

hello and welcome I hope that you found this video helpful I’m going to go over some key points of the assignment for synthesis and we’re going to talk just a little bit about expectations because the the critique paper I thought that you know directions were clear but I also am going to add this I guess auditory learning experience for you so that you’re not just reading and you have something to look at and I’ve decided to update the video so that’s why a new ones getting posted the first example that you’re gonna see here is a paper that a student wrote and gave me permission to use please always respond to me yea or nay if you’d like me to use one of your papers as an example because if I asked you it means that it’s you know worthy of sharing with other students and I usually choose at least a couple every semester so that I can give some examples now this is an APA so I want to make sure that you understand that only one person in this class should be doing MLA and if you did the introduction discussion board then I told you which format you should be using and also if you didn’t do that discussion board I also gave you that feedback in another way or I based it on your major so all of your formatting structures are based completely on what major you’re doing your course of study or your final course of study so if you communicated something that you’re going on to your masters to do something that warrants APA you were assigned APA so please follow those I will not give credit to students who do not do that simply because it’s not in the right format so hopefully you understand that but this was a concussion management protocol paper that is pretty good this person has all the right components so if we look now remember this is a student example so if there are errors they weren’t I didn’t correct those in this because I want you to see a true example of an APA paper so if you look at this one this has a two now this is actually in the wrong font which you probably wouldn’t automatically notice that but it’s in Calibri which is the default font for windows I mean I’m sorry forward so please note that you should be using Times New Roman 12 you see up here and you can just use the pulldown boxes to achieve that it’s pretty simple to do now if you notice this person has the introduction and it doesn’t say introduction that is common practice you do not in APA you do not put introduction for introduction because it’s assumed and then notice also that they didn’t include a abstract an abstract or an author’s note sometimes student students are expected to do that in APA but for the most part they’re not and abstracts are pretty simple they are just simply a summary of your paper and so I don’t really feel the need to have you go that extra step so I want to show you something in this paper since I’m going over it that’s wrong here so you see this where it looks kind of big in this section it’s because word actually defaults to a certain setting now when I when I decide to check that to make sure the spacing is right here’s what happens so if you pull down this you’re gonna see remove here and if you ever see that that means that it’s got too much space so that’s a simple test I just fixed it right there voila it is correct so please make sure that you understand that this example is imperfect and that’s why I showed you this to show you one of the points that were one of the areas that she had points deducted in this also note that she has done her title correctly that is in italics and it uses title caps I’ve seen a few people use all lower casing like you would in the actual citation and that is incorrect inside the text so please keep that in mind then you may already know this but I’m gonna make sure I cover a few things look how organized this is even without reading it the first point the third main point so they are summarizing the article the first article and then the second article so and there are some things on the rubric that you’ll want to notice I have you actually named that article before you summarized it so please be clear about which one you’re summarizing in those sections you should have one paragraph per article and that’s it so paragraph shouldn’t span an entire page you can see the blue here so you can see that word is picking up on something we won’t go over that but again here’s the spacing issue so you’ll want to make sure that yours does not have this same spacing issue and you simply go up there and hit remove it’s really simple to do so you can actually download this paper and use it as your template if you’d like I would love nothing more because what happens is when students don’t use headings sometimes no not everybody sometimes they get a little confused and put things in the wrong order or mix things mix and match and I think just having these little headings they’re just so helpful to keep your mind in that space that you’re supposed to be in now when you go back to your mini critiques remember in that practice critique assignment those questions were there so the questions that you should be answering we’re in the practice assignment that is also listed inside of your your rubric so please be paying attention to those tiny detail details as they’re so important so this is another example of where she’s done one paragraph of the first one the critique the second article has one paragraph and it’s a rather large paragraph not my favorite to see something that long but keep in mind that three sentences there’s not a paragraph constitute so three sentences in a paragraph is definitely going to get a comment for me that this needs to be developed there’s there’s really no peer-reviewed journal article that you could possibly do that on and effectively cover the material and if you think about it a paragraph with only three sentences really has that’s why I hate the three to five sentence role it really only has your introductory sentence your topic sentence the first sentence is that topic sentence the second sense is some sort of information and then you have a transitional sentence so it really is not – not college worthy so please keep that in mind and then the other rule about that is generally that you know a paragraph should never span more than half a page so it shouldn’t span an entire page so it’s not really a paragraph there should be a logical break so then we go to our synthesis section and I’m kind of particular about these so I’m going through and correcting these and you can see the correction over and over so hopefully you’ll pick up on it because the one that’s posted does have that issue so you will want to remove those spaces and all levels of contact sport should be implemented so they start out with that information and they start if you look now here’s something else that was taken off for while you might want to mention this title once okay it cannot span you cannot mention titles over and over in the synthesis section you should be using in text citations and she’s got a good example here those are what you should be using for this so she’s saying that both of those articles had this in common and the in-text citation is is perfectly capable of communicating that and then mentioning it like I said once is fine but going overboard will cost some points and really when it says supports the symptoms of concussion as long as this is general so if you’re thinking in terms of when do I do in-text citations this is the rule you if it is a quote or if it is a paraphrase there is an in-text now if you’re writing an entire paragraph on something like this one she’s actually missing an in-text citation here if you’re writing an entire paragraph those unless it’s a quote and then you’re mixing and matching and switching if you’re writing a whole section on this one article that you see here and I’m sure that the other part she’s already got a citation out there but furthermore female athletes are more likely to this is probably coming from an article which doesn’t have a citation down here so general rule is if you’re writing a paragraph it it includes both of your citations or both of your sources you’re going to want to use the example you saw above so this would go toward the end of your these two I can’t impenetrable highlighting it but these two would go toward the end of that paragraph because you took it from both so you’re talking about commonalities between the two articles it would look like that at the end of the paragraph that you’re discussing it in so that was one correction and needed to be made in this one according to both articles so again they are they’re talking about what’s in common there okay and there may be some differences between the articles which is you’re supposed to discuss so this section of synthesis is really slightly too short like this is the just barely so really you need to make sure you’re doing a thorough examination of those articles making sure that you really pull together those differences and similarities and they should have some common topics in it or you can’t use those articles so just to be clear and then down here the conclusion of course the spacing you’ll have to fix if you use this template the conclusion is pretty good make sure that you are completely avoiding first-person completely no eyes we’s us our none of that and academic writing unless it’s explicit that you can use first-person such as like if you’re if you’re doing a part where you’re giving a response really in truth in a response you can completely avoid first-person also so just keep that in mind that you know unless it’s explicitly stated that it’s okay you cannot use first person in most academic writing another thing I’d like you to avoid is contractions so contractions are generally considered conversational speech if you will so try to avoid all those and simply spell them out do not write so don’t as do not so avoid those on your synthesis paper as well my goal is for you to write more academically by the end of this class and so I want to give you some tools to do that and I expect that since I’m telling you that you will make those changes remember my overall goal for all students is improvement over time and while I do look and take off points for things I still look at hey are you improving and what feedback can I give you to help you make it better okay so you will notice one thing on references now on MLA this is gonna say works cited and on MLA you’re gonna have that other header information and you won’t have these running heads you’ll have the last name and the page number which I believe the MLA student in here is already knows that but I want to mention that now these these references are also APA and they are they are pretty good this one okay see the difference here I want you to alert yourself to this this is this is what I was seeing in text and it shouldn’t be so this is correct for the citation the and actually the how should be capitalized so it should actually look like this and then they have five through fourteen so they don’t have this part in here on the first citation sometimes that happens where you won’t have that volume and issue and you have to use just page numbers so this is correct for what’s available to the student now this one if you notice there’s a difference in this title here this is not formatted like this one see the lower case so you this would want to be you would want to correct this and then the rest of that looks correct so then the next one let’s look at this one same problem here this is from a peer-reviewed journal article and they used for articles which when I talk about the synthesis section you can imagine that should have been longer because it wasn’t it wasn’t a full four paragraph so she didn’t get a minus on it and you can look through here and see and it was really close to a b-plus she had some information that was pretty high quality so keep that in mind as you’re going through here that you make this sections appropriate your longest section will be synthesis you’ll have a paragraph of about five or a few more sentences on your each summary five or a few more than that sentences on each critique then your conclusion would be about that five or a few more sentences and then your synthesis will take up the bulk of your essay so I won’t go over the rest of those because I have 15 minute segments to make these not so hard to watch but I just wanted to point out some things on this so and it actually was an a-minus paper so please keep that in mind and as you do some work thank you for listening and there will also be a video on the rubric and writing prompt that that will be posted as well

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